Feeling Lighter

I have debated whether to post this for a couple of weeks and finally decided that I would.  I post a lot of personal things here, but this feels more personal than most.  I finally decided to write this post because I have a feeling that a lot of new moms feel like I do, but aren't sure what to do about it. 

A couple of days after Sarah Graves was born I started experiencing the baby blues, that weepiness over anything and everything. Other than the urge to cry easily, I felt happy. I talked to my midwife about it at my 2 week appointment and she agreed it was something to watch. It started getting better, so I wasn’t concerned.


Then, as the time for me to return to work drew closer, my feelings of being very emotional returned. I assumed it was simply that I didn’t want to be separated from my baby and that it would get okay once I was back at work. Instead, my return to work seemed to make me feel more overwhelmed and emotional. I have been exhausted by the night feedings and all the effort that goes into getting her ready to leave for the day plus being at work all day. I knew that I didn’t feel like myself, but I also knew that I did not feel clinically depressed. Finally one night Aaron mentioned that he could tell I wasn’t myself and maybe it would be good to look into doing something about it. Aaron is not the person who notices a problem and runs out for a solution; that is usually my role. So I thought about it and felt like maybe talking with a counselor who has experience with postpartum issues would be helpful.
After talking with the counselor that I found, she suggested maybe I consider medication as a way to help me get over this hump and feel better quickly while she and I worked on the heart of the problem. I immediately reached out to my midwife, Anjli, to get her thoughts on medication while breastfeeding. After talking to me for a while, she arrived at my conclusion that I wasn’t clinically depressed and she had ideas of other things that we could try before medications that would be passed through my milk to Sarah Graves. She suggested that I try acupuncture and had an acupuncturist in mind who has treated women for postpartum issues. She also recommended that I consider a homeopathic medication called sepia that is helpful for postpartum issues like feeling very emotional. I explained to her that I felt like a big part of my feeling so emotional was that most nights I didn’t get to sleep for more than a few hours at a stretch. She agreed that this is definitely a problem and recommended that I consider a chiropractor for Sarah Graves. She mentioned that she had seen babies who just couldn’t get comfortable and being adjusted helped their sleep.

This all sounded good to me. Aaron and I rushed over to Whole Foods and picked up a thing of the sepia and I started trying it right away. I like the idea of doing something to address issues that I am experiencing. Have I mentioned what a huge fan I am of Anjli and her partner, Margaret? I really appreciate the level of care they provide.

Two weeks ago I met with Krista, the acupuncturist, and she was awesome. The only other time that I have tried acupuncture was when I wanted to get labor going and I wasn’t really concerned with the whole consultation part of it that day. Krista spent a lot of time talking with me about what I felt, what was different since the birth, and what my lifestyle was like. She determined that the best thing to do would be to work on strengthening my Qi (energy). She did the acupuncture part and also talked with me about how diet can really help with your Qi. Foods that are cooked slow and long are more restorative for Qi and certain foods and spices like sweet potatoes and cinnamon are believed to help build Qi after birth.

Aaron thinks all this is a little bit crazy, but he has admitted that I seem happier. I describe it as feeling lighter, like a weight has been lifted.

At first I thought maybe it was just that my Mom had stayed over two nights in a row and the sleep helped, but I don’t think that is the only thing happening. We have had some rough nights with Sarah Graves; she is tired, but can't seem to stay asleep. Normally this would make me feel awful because she is unhappy and that makes me feel sad that I don't have more time with her during the day.  I usually feel like maybe she wouldn’t be this way if I were with her all day. But the last couple of weeks I have not found myself having these thoughts.

Comments

Libby said…
You are not alone...I admire the courage it took to post something so personal. It's so evident that you're a wonderful mother to sweet little Sarah Graves--she and Aaron are very lucky to have you.

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